1) Self doubt
2) Self fulfillment
3) Defense
4) Attack
I've got this... mood that I get into sometime. I call it combat mode. Listed above are the categories of it. The ways it starts. The triggers. It's a peculiar state of being. It's not depressed. It's driven. It's not unhealthy. It's liberating.
It's not unhealthy... I might be wrong in that respect. I suppose that while I'm in it, I might be considered a bit standoffish. I might be viewed as depressed. I'm sorry, you still don't know what it is, do you?
Combat mode is the epitome of bittersweet. Sweet & sour sauce has nothing on it. Rhubarb has nothing on it. Combat mode is like Saidin (sp?).
I wish I could explain it, but it's so difficult. Imagine that your entire family was brutally killed. Imagine that you know who did it. Now imagine how you would feel as you went out to exact revenge. That's it. That, right there, is combat mode.
But it's not always so violently guided. Sometimes all it takes is the right song on the radio. Other times it's because I'm disappointed in myself (1), and it's a soulsearch for redemption. Or maybe I'm the self-righteous savior of the world (2). I suppose in that respect (3) (4) are simply variations on the first two...
Do you have moods like this? Characters? Personae?
Am I crazy?
Saturday, September 22, 2007
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its moods like this when i write things down. its moods like this that i step outside my normal self and stretch. but personally, it rarely starts with self-doubt. it might start because im confused or lost but usually my moods start when something motivates me.
ReplyDeletehahaha. hey DUDE....not everyone has the privilege, yes privilege, to have THESE moods. these are the beautiful unique moods of the dominists. i tip my hat to you for trying to put those feelings into words. they are nearly undescribable.
ReplyDeleteMaybe a little crazy.
ReplyDeleteBut I think I understand what you mean.
I've had this feeling less since college started though. Living on a floor with 36 other girls waters down the adenaline.
Everyone has these feelings/ moods/ personas. It just matters how much each individual is in touch with them. I never thought of quantifying my differing moods with personas. Not until reading these posts in your blog. But now I am absolutely certain I could if I just sat down and thought about it.
ReplyDeleteQ: What do you call a guy who wants anyone who isn't going to be productive to get out of his way as he attempts to forge ahead into the mindnumbingness of productivity?
A: ....