Slowing Down

I am a hero. Fighting for me, I'm fighting life. And this is round two.

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A Nobody

I'm no hero. Sometimes it's all I can do to survive. Guys like me aren't supposed to be happy. We don't win awards. We're the ones you either remember well or don't care about at all. Well, I'm just one of you. I believe in myself. I believe in my feelings. The ones I can't explain. But I'm not supposed to understand, and that's the key. That's why Prime is in the back seat.

Nothing else matters. Not the people, not the measurements of success. And I think I'm going to fail. I'm afraid to, but I think I might, and it scares the living hell out of me. Don't be afraid, I say. Don't be afraid.

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True Character

Sometimes I really dislike my family. But then again, who doesn't. At least every now and then... I mean, they're not even proud. They don't even give a damn. So if it doesn't matter and I do it anyways, doesn't that count for something? So don't ****ing lie to me. Time and money. God, I hate them both. But I'm okay, because they can't get in. Look straight ahead, now... Don't ask why they do it. It's not my place to care. I care about two things - myself, and the people that deserve for me to care. Let Go Dommy.

I'm starting to remember now. The UFO on July 4th. Snow tubing with Devon on Austin's hill. The bus shack, the mud lakes, the tree they cut down. Ed's characters on his lamp post. All of them came to me. We're coming around. Some of us are. Others are just beginning. But we're all headed in the same direction. We just don't know it yet. Well, they don't know anyway.

Showing my anger and hatred only proves that that they're getting in, but then again I can't just be a pacifist. I'll shoot back. Prime would have to agree. More so that I would actually. I'm flawed. It's okay though. I'm back, just need to find my niche, that's all. This - all of it - it's important to me. I don't ask why. I don't wonder why nobody else cares. It means something to me. True character is who you are when you take every stimulation away, excepting memory. And this is my true character, rather these are my true characters. But why don't they give a damn?

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Prime on my Sleeve

Who are we anyway? It doesn't matter. I kinda always thought I was the center.

Writing like this is fun. It forces me to think solidly, instead of making everything so abstract.

What's in a name? I don't know. A sense of identity I guess. A connection. A meaning. What's in a look? Everything. And by the way, giving up is never an option. Altering circumstances in order to change the situation, however, is an option. If there's a hero in all of us, have I been wearing Prime out on my sleeve? And is that a bad thing? Yes and no. On one side, people can't see the real me, but on the other... they can rely on me.

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Let Go Dommy

My world is being turned upside down right now. That's why I'm writing this by the way. There's a good deal wrong with me, and hopefully this will help resolve two of them. One is remembering - besides fear and anger my emotional memory is basically empty Well, for all my personal and philisophical skill I've got no clue this time around.

And damn it all, I'm such a survivalist that I rationalize loss and emptiness, turning back on my feelings - that is, if I have them anymore. It's like I'm driven by a small portion of myself. I think it's a lack or recognition, come to think of it. I get so little praise from anyone else that when I do get a compliment, all I can do is be skeptical. I hate it.

Sometimes it seems like there's nobody behind me. I don't know, it's as if I've lost all my ambition.

There's something in the water.

There's nobody out there.

I can fly.

God, what am I doing here? Why doesn't anybody care? I'm just trying to breathe. Why can't I breathe?

The air above is toxic. Pirates in the deep.

Come back... please come back...

Take off the mask. Who are you hiding from? It's okay now.

I'm one of you. Power through comparrison. Give Prime the backseat, let me drive.

Who are you? Smile. Trust me.

How many? Who cares? We'll fly blind. Fly by feeling. Echoes in the ocean. Fluxuations of the mind.

I'm back.

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White Mage with Knives

In some small way, I'm obligated to be one of them. Because they come to me. Because they trust me. And even though I'll never be more than two to them, it's imperative that I'm there for them. Because I don't need the people, but they need me. Why should I hold back my aid just because they can't give me what I don't need? White Mage with knives. I'm comforted by the task. There is no success or failure, there is only me. A beacon of light to walk in the darkness and purge from existence that very veil which hides men from God. Satan's had his fun. My turn. And I've got a tendency to win.

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