One of Two

Why is it that every time we stride closer to that everlasting light, it seems to elude us? Why is it that every time something goes right, another must go wrong? And as for deserving I will speak no more. Life is not fair, and no matter the cliches attatched that truth cannot be denied. But inequality only sweetens the victory. And even as I write this I understand that I am a fragment, a smaller part of a bigger wheel, a wheel of fire. But yet I am something more. I can choose to work, I can choose to earn, I can cast my distractions aside and run until the blood runs from my torn feet. And one of two things will happen. Either I will attain true happiness, or I will forever prove that quixotic question of deserving to be false. But for now, happiness. As a choice. Building off of memory, and looking into the mists, still cautious and wary of the rocks ahead. It's the life of a shipmate. Im my recent passions for that freedom of openness I understand. It's the challenge. And the price. Identity, and association. To unite with something outside of the mind, and with people I cannot choose. How am I? My smile says it all. But I'm scared, scared of myself. Scared of those on the inside, because they are in a position to deal damage. And Satan once more laughs in the corner of my mind. In the shadows, like a coward. He fefuses to put himself on the line. Was Judas your pawn, Satan? Was it you? Direction. I lack it. Where am I going? This is a call. I need help. Which I need is my crew. And I'm the nav of the group, but the pilot of myself. Because as the nav, I know where to go, and I direct, but of myself the pilot needs only to know HOW to get there, not where there is.

Commentary

A Letter to Satan

It's game time. Time to draw the line between those for and those against. Those behind and those beside. How quickly feelings change, how quickly respect can be drawn aside. But they're victims themselves. So do not chastise me, and do not judge. Don't downplay the happenings of my life, and don't distract me from my goals. I am the deep. And I'm not alone. And as surely as I draw breath I declare the victims innocent. So there's Dominic. And Marcus. And William, that confused boy, ever looking, ever searching for the answers. And we are four strong. And through your facts, through your books and your studies you will never be real. Cold calculation is all you have to offer in this world. Which of you could predict my responses to such distractions? Not one. Because for all of your so called wisdom you lack that certain shred of reality, which in itself is outside of reality. Such bliss there is in knowledge, and if this, great deceiver, is your trap, then I must willingly concede defeat. And since I abhor surrender to such a foe as you, a trap it cannot be. I await your next stroke, O father of lies. Will you strike where the flesh is weak? Dimensional shifting, Satan. I cannot be cornered, can never be contained in full. Because I have choice. And though I continue to fail you will never convince me of my own righteousness. And even now you smirk, as my confidence places me on the brink of destruction. But love will save me. And that is something you will never understand. You are so blinded by your hatred that you choose to burden yourself to spite the King. Which of us is to say that even you could not repent? Not I, for of all things I know precious few. But though you continue to lie to us, one thing is for certain -- there will come a time when you can no longer lie to yourself, as one eternity merges with the next. Change is a constant, even in eternity. And though I struggle to grasp eternity's meaning I know that all I need is right before me, and I myself am not to be trusted because you are in me. You've gone beyond the honor of battle, and now you must content yourself with tricks. But no matter how you win in the end you will lose, and that end lies dangerously near for you. Comparrison is a necessity, and to you time is irrelevant. Therefore you fail to comprehend. And you won't take my crew without a fight.

Commentary

A Letter From Matt

So here I am, on the raggety edge. I'm tipping but I have yet to fall, nor will I until the blade of death strikes me down. And I pray for them because they don't know, and neither I. But I've come to realize that none of it matters. Just the weight on my neck and the weight on my mind. Cascading gems of emotion, and I don't care how they fall or where they rest, because that eternal glimmer is what really matters. And so I praise God for his wonderous creation, and even though it may be my destiny to suffer, the feeling is what makes it worthwhile. While I may laugh to keep from crying, neither is complete without the other. The meaning dissolves without comparrison. Lord, send me your aid. Give me a light when all other lights go out, for as I live and breathe the darkness swells around me, and what I fear most is to succomb and join it. Comparrison shows me that the light is far greater, and companionship is vital. So no more games. No more tricks, and no more lies. I'm in it full now, and there's no turning back. Why escape life when you can work to bend it to your will? I walk in the light and battle the darkness, and they will follow. They will follow because I'm just like them, and when they hit the breaking point, they'll know, just as I knew. Time, that precious progressive identifier. They might see one way or the other, but they will see in the end.

Commentary

A Letter From Dommy

Forgive me for getting back up, but you don't matter to me. I've got a forcefield, and it can only be shut off from the inside. Why am I telling you this? Because you already know. They can't get to me, becuase they don't matter any more. And I'm not overreacting, I'm just reacting. Perspective is reality. So I don't care what you do to me, because in the end you're the victim, and you don't even know it. And I pity your lack of comprehension. I'll be fine, because I'm not alone, and I'm fine even when I am, because alone doesn't exist.You take it out on my perimiter because you know you can't get to me. And maybe I'm crazy because I talk to the Devil, but at least I know he's there. And sure, I fail every now and then, but he wants me to expect not to. Let Go Dommy, and I have. Only one more obstacle, and that's you.

Commentary

Buckle Up

Prepare for a rough entry sequence... we're about to crash. Hard. I don't know what to do. Everything seemed so right. What wen't wrong? They don't see the differences because to them they don't exist. And THAT is why they're wrong. Not because of their perspective, but because they're contradicting themselves. They can't tell the difference but they expect there to be one? It's not me at all. It's just what they expect. But how to show them that?

Commentary

Lost

I'm gone. I'm lost. Flailing in the air as I fall eternally. What do they think? How will they decide? What am I supposed to believe? I'm lost. Part of me wants to cry, but the other part knows I might not have to. Can't they see? It's different. They can't understand, because they don't have what I have. I did nothing wrong. I did something wrong. Damn the feelings. Damn the uncertainty. Damn the inconsistencies. I'm just not good enought I guess. Am I destined to fail? Does destiny exist? It hurts. I'm crying because I choose to. Is this really worth it? Yes.

Commentary (worth a look)

Victory Attained

I've come too far to lose, and the game is not for the faint of heart. It takes a determinate unsurrenderable willfulness. But which is it - do they cheer for me, or do they cheer for an idea? And my crew - who is to say that it is mine? Who is to say that I even have a ship? And what is it called?

I'm troubled by potential damage. How can I know what to do when I've got no direction? Trust Prime. Though detained - I caught him flying again - he is wise. And who am I now? Together we are strong, we are Prime, and we will attain victory. But to assume that we know anything at all would be a mistake. Of love and people we know nothing. So we float. Zero gravity, but we'll still hit the door because we've got such a good launch and vantage point. Sighing in the sky, for what we didn't even know we wanted.

Commentary