The Spirit of Radio

These are the days of business, the days when feelings give way to profit and friendships take a backseat to contacts. Don't feel bad. I know why you do it. I know that you're scared. I know that everywhere you go people tell you to be ready, to be prepared. To sacrifice.

But you sold out your individuality in the process, didn't you? You turned your back on the team you built. You threw the letters down, all the medals and everything that you once stood for.

And don't get me wrong. Your intentions were noble, good. But it can't be done. You can't build a new team in this world. You can only one in the world you came from. A world without demands, without pain.

But the best that you can do it lighten up. And don't for a second think that you're doing this for me, or anyone else. You're doing this for you, and you know it's the right thing to do. Because it's not about the advertisements or the opinions. It's about the music.

The right thing to do.

Make it Your Own

Arrogance vs. Self Confidence

It's a fine line between the two. Apparently I ride that line harder than John Kerry did in 2004. At least, that's what I'm told.

But I'd rather not be categorized between these two. If you're arrogant, it means you think of yourself as above others, which I very much DO NOT believe concerning myself. If you're self-confident, then you're overly optimistic and blinded to reality. I'm not such a fan of that either. But I must fall in one of these categories, right?

And since I have to think about this so hard, I think I'll just make up my own name for my state of being. Because reality is what we make it, and I'd rather make it my own than take it from somebody else. Because I'm not arrogant or self-confident. I'm self-aware.

Call it awaredom, if you will.

Hey, everything's a word, it just might not be in the dictionary yet. Same goes for philosophies. Just because some funny looking guy with a white beard and a magic hat hasn't talked about it yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Dominism anyone?

You Can't Pick and Choose

I find it funny how non-relgious people tend to view religious people. They continuously call us hypocrites and other names, but fail to recognize the irony created from their own statements. Lets take a look at what's expected of us, and what exactly we're called out on...

Okay, so we're supposed to be kind and non-judgemental to everyone around us, right? Love thy neighbor like thyself, yeah?

And naturally, we fail. So we get attacked for it, get called hypocrites and self-righteous pricks.

Hm.

Let's look at the ten commandments (which I've paraphrased from memory, so don't expect a whole lot of accuracy)

You shall have no other gods before me.

Fail'd

Do not use the name of the Lord your God in vain.

Fail'd

Remember the Sabboth Day* by keeping it holy.

*(Sunday, or the day of worship... maybe Saturday for other churches, it's not important)

Fail'd

Honor thy father and thy mother and all other figures of authority.

Fail'd

Thou shalt not kill.

Win? (Depends on your interpretation)

Thou shalt not steal.

Fail'd

Okay, so I skipped 6, 8, 9, and 10 (mostly because I can't remember them) but you get my point. We fail.

So, we fail at the ten commandments and nobody jumps on us for that. Nobody says "you told your mom you wouldn't clean your room, you're a hypocrite!"

And why? Because it's hard. It's so hard that society doesn't hold it against us, because they all fail at it too.

But the VERY INSTANT we judge someone, it's like a ton of bricks coming down.

Think about that next time you judge a Christian. You can't pick and choose which parts of our doctrines to take literally and which to take figuratively.

So knock it off.

Chain Poetry

I know I promised this a while ago, but I simply haven't had the time to make it happen. As mentioned before, I've been pretty busy and while that isn't much of an excuse... you're going to have to suck it up, huh?

So, chain poetry. Another creation of mine, and much more simple than the dominym. That might be because... it's just a list. Yeah. That is, it's a list of words that trigger a free verse monologue type poetry. I think an example would be appropriate...

Courage
Blasphemy
Identity
Viscosity
Death
Falling
Virtuous
Ultimate
Passing

I have courage. I have power. But is this just blasphemy? Or is this my identity? Sometimes I feel my blood thicken, change its viscosity in an irrepresable attempt to bring me to my death. And though I'm falling I fall virtuous, and despite your attempts to sway me I will remain ultimate in my passing, because I cannot... will not die.

And voila.

Insanity

In my life, when one thinks of February, one must also think of insanity. The high level of business which I experience in this month parallels no other... I know it's kind of lame to cut out on you guys for over a week, and for that I must appologize. I'd like to think it's because I haven't come up with anything good recently, but we both know that that is just not true. And while reasons will become excuses, I feel the urge to inform you of the goings on in my life. Let's start with the birthdays.

Of my close friends, there are so many birthdays in this month... and birthdays mean parties and hanging out and loving every moment of it. Also, all of the deadlines are coming together for scholarships and college related stuffs, in addition to maintaining a rigorous course schedule (within which I managed a 4.0 last semester) and preparing for the state level poetry contest... so I appologize for the inconvenience caused by my business and I look to be writing more later.

Until then, thanks for standing with.

C: True Character

True Character

I'll tell you what happened here... this is right after I got my very first A- at school. And after all of the emphasis that my parents put on grades and education, they didn't care at all. To them it wasn't a big deal, but I had lived every day of my life in fear of "dissapointing them" which meant I was afraid of them being mad at me. I could give a damn what they thought about my school performance - I'm a teenager for God's sake. And to top it all off, I got that A- because I had a 93.4%, meaning I missed it by 0.6%. And I had this one particular friend who liked to rub my now lost 4.0 in my face.

Now, this isn't the reason for the dislike of my family mentioned earlier. When I find myself in that position it's usually because they're arguing with each other, being stupid and arguing semantics or being stubborn and non-communicative. And as this post was still in the journal era, I was probably setting down to writing something profound when it was interrupted by a shouting match... and that profoundness is doomed to be lost forever. But I've long given up on trying to remedy these arguments, hence the "Don't ask why they do it. It's not my place to care." And truthfully, by that point the argument was already over so the statement was more aimed at the people in society who I felt were "fronting on my grill" if you will.

The focus of this post, as seen in the title of course is the statement "True character is who you are when you take every stimulation away, excepting memory." I threw that statement out in my English class once and got deadpan silence... and was ignored while the conversation stayed on simple concepts. So I salvaged it from my brain and wrote it down... I thought it was pretty good. But then again, I think almost everything I write is good.

Basically, I was going through a large "Nobody gives a damn about me" period at this time in my life. Those kinda suck and I kinda hate them kinda.

C: Prime on my Sleeve

Prime on my Sleeve
The story of Prime has two main origins - one of which being the internet webcomic Comedity, which is the story of it's creator, Garth Cameron Grahm, and his various situations in life, both realistic and fantastical. One theme which he revisited frequently in the earlier days of the comic was the idea of having multiple personalities in his brain which battled for "stage time." He had a good and bad shoulder angel/demon, a ninja, a "cool guy," one who knew random trivia, and one for playing violent internet videogames. These personae were (and God help us, hopefully still are) ruled by the master personality named only Prime.

The other is the undeniable awesomeness of Beast Wars, a show that kids today wish they could watch. The main character of the show, Optimus Primal, frequently used the catchphrase "Well that's just prime..." In addition, he was the leader of the group much as the earlier prime was leader of the personalities of Garth. It really doesn't get much deeper than that... except for the part where I completely endorse Beast Wars. What's that? Beast Wars is Godly?

So I took a look at my Prime, and I realized that I had been trying to optimize my life at every point (an idea which I just now connected with Too Deep (I'm Drowning), which was fairly revolutionary in this "therapeutical process"). Anyway, I got worried that perhaps I was too often trying to control things, too often trying to attain perfection. And then I realized that Prime was in direct contradiction to LGD. So I canned him for a while. Stuffed him in the cargo hold and let Dommy fly for a while, along with the others who you'll meet later (if you haven't already).

And that's all I have to say about that.

C: Let Go Dommy

Let Go Dommy

Wow... just wow. I do seem a bit unstable in this one, don't I? But I guess that's to be expected, this whole blog/journal being my therapy and all (as that was it's original intention). It does make my progress more valid though, I must admit. What this post served as was a sort of introduction, and I suppose it also helped reveal that other side of myself. However, in addition to the post itself (which wasn't really that insightful) this was the first mentioning of LGD.

As many of you already know (and for those of you who don't) Dommy is a short name or abbreviation for Dominic Peters, my very first main character that I ever wrote about. The story was called The Uprising and to this day it is still saved on my computer. It was a story about governmental experimentation into human weapons, which of course bred an x-men like group of heroes. Amateur and cliched. So I stopped at 34 pages. (I later went on to write Dimension, which reached 57 before getting canned, but that'll come up later... dimensionsolider@gmail.com anybody? Coincidence? Never...). Dominic wasn't one of these superhero types, but a noble thief character stealing from a closet oppressive government... as it happened, he played out this exact role in Dimension, so adamant was I about letting him survive, and I figure that someday he'll be written into something that actually succeeds.

How does that relate to me? Well, I began to use Dominic Peters as a screen name on the internet, and ever since it sort of feels right. So I became him in a sense. Now, I could have gone around saying LGM, but then when people asked me what it meant I would have to respond "Let Go Matt" and that would instantly clue them in to my intentions, which I wasn't really into back then. So I got to answer LGD and say "Let Go Dommy" and nobody knew what the hell I was talking about, but to me it was just as important as breathing. It was a reminder to go with the flow, relax, enjoy myself, stop worrying and the like.

You will or already have seen LGD and Dommy himself come up many times in my blog, and now you know where. It's a theme that I visited often in the earlier days, and a few times more in the poem Eight and the post A Letter From Us, but exactly how I won't reveal until I get to those posts individually.

And the last half (where I seemed crazy) was half story plot half ambiguous phrasing.

Feel free to let me know how this commentary is working. Personally, I like it because I get to elaborate more...

C: White Mage with Knives

White Mage with Knives

This post as well as the next few were written in a journal before I began this entire blogging expedition, and I regret to admit that for those few the details are a bit blurry. I do however remember the general theme of this post.

First of all, it's quite evident that I had been playing FF:DoS at the time I wrote this. Well, for those of you unfamiliar with the Final Fantasy universe, the White Mage is a magician who uses White Magic (what a concept). White Magic is healing magic. It revives fainted allies, heals wounds, protects and defends from enemy attacks and magic, and has the ability to damage undead enemies. Also, any experienced player knows that the White Mage is all but useless in hand to hand combat.

Well, now that I've established the background we can explore my mental intentions at the time. Are you as excited as I am? Uh huh. I'm sure.

This was one of those points in my life where I felt like a living sacrifice to the people around me. I'm reminded of a quote from the movie King Arthur (2004). It goes something like this:
It always falls on the shoulders of the few to be sacrificed for the many.And obviously this is how I felt while writing WMwK. In addition I was complaining about how I didn't have a best friend, and no matter where I looked I always seemed to be everyone's second best friend. Looking back, that's really good, but at the time I felt kind of lost and I wanted something more, someone to connect with. Luckily I found that for a while.

Thanks buddy, you know who you are.

The Dominym

These are two types of poetry which I invented, one a while ago and the other recently. I don't know why I'm bothering to put this up here but I figure it can't hurt. And maybe you'll find yourself inspired to make some of your own. Whether that means your own poetry or your own style, I can only hope that you give this stuff a try every now and then. Or at least understand how amazing I am for making them.

:)

So to begin, the dominym. And I must give you a warning: some of the people I've taught this to have claimed that it's destroyed their poetic skill because it got them stuck in a rut. I'm pretty sure that makes no sense, because if they had any skill at all they would be able to adapt. But regardless, the dominym is a fairly rigid form that some may find frustrating.

Firstly, the dominym contains anywhere from one to an infinite amount of stanzas. You can have singles, you can have doubles, triples, or entire pages for one poem.

Secondly, we have a syllable count. Some find this restrictive and frustrating, others find it interesting as it molds their words to fit an idea instead of the other way around. The syllable count goes 8 6 8 6, though I have found myself writing block 8s before...

And finally, there is meter, meaning there are up and down patterns of emphasis. Many people who try this seem to get it off a bit and make it awkward for the reader. My advice to them... stop it!

Your finished product should resemble this:

-_-_-_-_
-_-_-_
-_-_-_-_
-_-_-_

Where each symbol represents a syllable and the opposition resembles the shift in emphasis. Keep in mind, however, that there are times when things outside of this established pattern work as well. For example,

surreptitiously he walked
among the darkened streets
where children gathered all around
to gather tricks and treats

Notice that the first line has only 7 syllables, yet the flow is not obstructed. This is because (as you musicians can attest) the "pickup" note at the beginning of the first line has been dropped. Imagine if the first line read "and surreptitiously he walked" instead. The flow would still be there, and this is a good tactic if you're writing something with more continuity, a story of sorts.

Another point of focus is the fourth line, where it says "to gather" instead of "gathering." Why did I do this? Well, look at it this way.

to GAther TRICKS and TREATS

gaTHERing TRICKS and TREATS

Obviously the first sounds better, though both work equally as far as the form is concerned.

A final note! Rhyming can be introduced internally or externally, across the 2 4 lines, the 1 3 lines, or both. It's not hard to do, if you take the time to think of words that rhyme and follow your general idea.

Well I was going to add a section about Chain Poetry, but this is quite long enough already, so I will do that at a later date.

Perspective

I've heard people talk about life as a big mystery. A large puzzle that needs to be solved, or a maze without exits. A box of chocolates maybe.

But life isn't any one of these things. Life cannot be contained to a singular definition. And as much as I hate to say it, life is based on perspective. Whatever you think, is. Whatever you believe, is.

If you choose not to think, if you choose not to believe, you've made the same choice as anyone else. Doing that does however tend to muck up the works, and I've watched people around me suffer, struggle, and suffocate.

That's why I choose to believe in something. No matter what they say, I will always believe it. Not because they're wrong - not at all. In fact, it's because they're quite right. My religion is quite restrictive. My personal beliefs are quite restrictive. But I find that I am defined within it, whether or not I'm feeling 100%. I always have at least one place to go back to.

People argue against the existance of God because there is no solid proof. I say all the more reason to believe. Why would you want to believe in something solid, something real? The more real something is, the more interactive it is, and as such it gains a certian level of threat.

Of course these aren't my reasons for believing. I'd rather not try to apply logic to something so blatantly illogical. Which makes the entire search for proof riddiculous in the first place. Believe or don't, but do neither according to science. The only thing science has to do with it is the way in which the chemicals in your brain interpret messages from the world around you and align them with your personal beliefs. That's science. Not the flying spaghetti monster. Saying that if a man can believe in something without proof (like God) then he can believe in anything without proof? That's absurd and childish, and they know it.

But hey, that's their perspective, and mine is that they're stupid.

I wish I could be like Derrial Book. "I don't care what you believe. Just believe in it!"

But I do care. And I'll never stop professing my beliefs. I'll never be imposing, and I'll never get up in your face, but you will know where I stand and if you ask me a question I will answer it.

And because it's all up to perspective, that's really all I can do.

It All Comes Back to the Ship

I've just entered a period of self-loathing... I think I might need to re-evaluate my new years resolution.

I don't know what happened. I just started feeling this heavy guilt for daring to believe that I am somebody... Well not everyone's gonna like me. That's unavoidable. But suddenly I got this feeling like there were a lot of them. I guess that's what makes us special. All I really need though is enough people to form a crew.

And now we arrive at the heart of the problem... I think I let my crew down a little bit there. I got so caught up in my new identity that I forgot to be a good Captain. A good Captain is nowhere above his crew. He's among them, and I forgot. I forgot that I'm not proving anything to them - just the rest of the world.

Sorry guys.

Something Else Entirely

A vigilante is just a man lost in the scramble for his own gratification. He can be destroyed, or locked up; but if you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, and if they can't stop you, you become something else entirely.

~ Batman Begins

I'm not like the rest of you, I guess. And undeniably, after I profess this to the world there are a few predictable responses. There's apathy, curiosity, and disdain. Ironically, the curious soon join the disdainful when I begin to explain. That's the price I pay for "arrogance" though, isn't it? And then, the few people who are still hanging onto my words really lose it when I say I'm not arrogant.

So I've got the audacity to say I'm different than everyone else around me, yet not arrogant? How on Earth can that work?

Well, I'm different, see? Get it?

I'm looking for my ideal, and on the day I find it God knows you won't be able to stop me. Yeah, on that day, I'll become something else. Something else entirely. And that's the day the world begins to change.

What the Hell

So my 18th birthday is coming up soon and I've been thinking.

Not about things you'd think I was thinking about. No, I'm not going through that comical list of what I am now aloud to do legally. I'm not thinking about that freedoms I may be granted by my parents.

I'm thinking about how messed up the world is.

About an hour ago I heard on the news that a man broke into a house, raped an 11 year old girl while her parents slept, then ran away.

Yeah, sad story. But so what? This stuff happens all the time, right? People are just ****ed up, right?

That's what I thought at first too. Then I saw the description of the man. I didn't catch the majority of it because my eyes were held fast by the top line.

Age: 18-20

I'm about to turn 18, and in the meantime my very peers are running around doing stuff like this? You have to understand what this means... I am about to be of the age where I could plausibly fit the profile of a rapist. A murderer. A thief. Any number of names you could give, and I could feasibly fit the profile of any of them.

What the hell is wrong with people like this?

We Are

We are special
Because we know
We are different
Because we will not tolerate injustice
We are unique
Because we will not be silenced
We will speak
Because you should not
Cannot
Will not
Stop the signal

Don't Stop

Never stop loving.
The day you stop loving is the day you stop being loved.

Never stop living.
Because one day you won't be able to anymore.

Never stop feeling.
Because that's why we're here.

Don't stop thinking.
Because you're better than that.

Don't stop breathing.
Because things will look up.

Don't stop seeing.
Because you'll miss the things in front of you.

And whatever you do...

Don't stop the singing.

In Response to my Additions

Recently my brother has been skimming through this blog, and as he puts it, I have a tendency towards being

"decidedly unstable"

That means I'm crazy.

And after I just typed up all my April/May blogs, I'm not really going to disagree with him. But more than anything, I find it funny. Those of you who know me know that I'm not crazy. And the other two of you who read this, well. I think you've got a good enough understanding to see where I'm coming from.

Anyhow, I regret to admit that those blogs were not taken with their ordinary context, but that can't be helped. In these early days of discovering myself I had not the wisdom to omit names and instances. But regardless there they are. Nearly all of my writings ever (or pretty close).

Once again I want to encourage all of you to comment, respond, discuss, argue, advertise, whatever you think will help me out. This project (if it can be called a project) is very important to me.

You know, people keep asking me why I do it. Why I post and post on here even though I have such a small audience. And for the life of me, I don't know. I thought for a moment I was doing it for myself, but that's not true. Maybe I want self-gratification. Maybe I want to change the world.

But it really doesn't matter why I do it, does it? Any way you look at it, somebody just favorited me. Not sure what that means, but it happened.

Thanks for sticking by.

31 Days Later

Month one of my new life is over, and I figure those of you who care might be wanting a status report. That is to say, you never thought about it, but now that I've mentioned it it sounds like a really good idea. Unfortunately I don't have much to say...

However, I will be starting a new trend with this blog. I was reading through one of my old journals the other night and found some very postable material. Blogger has a fuction where I can enter my own post times and dates, and since I have these entries dated I will be inserting them into their respective places. The very first entries in my blog are now new, up to the old beginning "A letter from Dommy." The only other new blog is "A New Age" under September.

Thanks for reading.

Partitioned

Two minds, two people
at once.
One free, one locked away.
Which is real?
If anything can be given this name...
For both
Of us are willing, sane.
One of us
suffers, while the other lives free.
And "we"
don't know how long it would be
before relief,
sweet relief for both
and not just me.
For he is triggered by thoughts
beyond himself
Forced into becoming
something else.
To free him I must employ
a myriad
of talents, manipulations,
and skills.
For these bars impair
my will,
So free me swiftly, and then
we fight.