There is Another

Where does it come from? It's not always from a father to a son. Maybe it skips a generation, maybe ten, who knows? But there was a Somewhere and there was a When and you are not alone.

Are there no firsts then? Of course there are. But what are the chances that you're it? Slim. I used to think I was. But the realists says those chances are too small, and the idealist asks why does it matter? It doesn't.

But there is another! There was another... Someone I'll never know. Someone I'll never talk with. But they are there, in my past, their very actions setting the universe down a path that allows for this - my life, my breath, my words.

But then part of me says no. Do it on your own, learn from experience. And I know that they felt the same way too. But they are there.

According to biblical references and insinuations (none of which are completely trustworthy, as they are interpreted by man) we have been around on this planet for at least 6000 years or so. Scientific findings suggest otherwise, an immensely larger number. Therefore, it is safe to assume that 6000 is a minimum timeline of the life of Man.

In that time, it could have been anyone. Life expectancy today is high, but let's be forgiving. Say life expectancy stayed at a constant of 50, and a new generation happened every 25 years. 6000/25 is 240. That's 240 generations, 240 ancestors, and that's only counting the one side of the family. Double it. That's 480. And all the variables in between... it could be anybody. Say something happened every ten generations. That still leaves 48 people like you. See, we are far from alone, and somewhere they are watching, hoping that you represent them to your fullest, because they have reached the end of the world, and they know what it means.

There is, at the very least, one other.

Wear The Mask

Rebellion.

Don't do it. Rebellion causes pain and suffering. Rebellion is not retalliation, no. I'm a proponent of retaliation, because too much fear can kill you. Rebellion is simply not safe. You look at the American Revolution and think, "hey, look at all the good that came of that, right?" And then you look at the French Revolution, and I think I've said enough.

How do you know which side of the coin flip you're going to end up on?

How do I play? I play by their rules, and win their game. Because as you know, the winner chooses the game. He who pays the piper calls the tune.

Doesn't playing by their rules mean that you have to sacrifice yourself in order to do something you don't believe in?

Not to me it doesn't.

Wear the mask too long and the mask wears you, I'm told.

I don't buy it.

If you stare into the abyss too long, it stares back into you.

First of all, I don't like Nietchze (sp?), and second of all, I don't believe it.

Why not? Strength of will. Anybody with enough conviction in their own beliefs can wear any mask, look into any abyss, and come out the other end.

Play their game and win. Then you can make your changes. But when you rock the boat too much, some of your friends are going to fall out. Some of the things you love. And some of those things will never come back.

Rebellion is not retalliation, no. I'm a proponent of retaliation, because too much fear can kill you.

If a guy punches you, punch him back. It's not the Christian thing to do, but let's be honest. Do you always do the Christian thing? No. Does that make it okay? No, but you're not playing by rules established by Christians. A true Christian wouldn't punch you in the first place. Thank God we don't have many true Christians in this world. Some people deserve a fist in the face. Is it our place to make that judgement? No, but that doesn't stop them so we can't let it stop us. Do the ends justify the means? No, but we're damned to hell anyway. Does that make it okay? No, but you're not playing by rules established by Christians.

Don't fear the mask - fear that you have not the ability to stand up to it when the time comes.

Are You Excited?

High School is ending soon. In less than a month, to be exact. Do you know what that means? What it entails? I don't.

You know, people keep asking me "Are you excited?" and may or may not be taken aback by my standard reply of "About what?"

"School ending, of course!" And then their utter dissapointment - and maybe even disbelief - when I say quite simply, "No." And why should I be? Why do people my age value College so highly above High School?

I can think of a few reasons, I must admit, but none of which can warrant an emotion such as excitement. First of all, the idiots are gone. Yeah, all those kids who thought hey, I can drop out at age 16 and you sat on the sidelines cheering "Yes! YES! DO IT!" until you reached the ultimate of dissapointments. Yes, they came to the realization that, after investing 11 years in the public schooling system, they might as well finish it out. Damn. But worry not, because they won't follow you into college! That's not to say, of course, that you will completely without the occasionally challenged scholar, but any improvement is good, right?

What else? Oh, some of you are moving out, living on your own... and while I'm not moving out (for this year at least) I still can't see the excitement there. Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there Dommy. You can't see WHAT!? Bear with me. Let's look at what you get... you get away from the nagging. From the curfews. You get to be your own person, finally. Right? And I know that I sound like an arrogant prick for thinking it, but honestly, your mind is your playground. You can be anyone you want, do anything you want inside of your own mind. Now I understand that that's not enough for some people, but let's keep in mind who's writing the blog why don't we. I've been blessed with a (for the most part) happy household, and I know that some of you aren't so lucky. Don't take offense to my opinions, because that's all they are, is opinions. They only become something more when you let them.

Am I excited? No. But I guess I'm just not that excitable. Awards don't excite me. You know, those ones I've dedicated my entire life to earning? They don't excite me. I like to have them, I'd feel bad not getting them, but do they excite me? No.

I don't really have a point that I'm reaching towards right now... just some thoughts.

Someone Once Told Me...

Someone once told me to cheer up.

So I did. It took a while, but I did. I got involved, I started living. I looked forward and not behind. I let the wisps of hope surround me in a raging cloud of determination.

Someone once told me that I was going to change the world.

So I will. I'll start small, but I won't stop there. I can't, because my someone is no liar. I won't let that name fall upon him.

Someone once told me to move on.

He told me not to let the past bog me down. Because he and I can only keep moving. In the end, that's all we can do.

Someone once told me that everything would be alright.

Because I'm able to figure things out for myself. No matter how hard, I'll have to figure them out. Because death is not my only option, and a road to a friend's house is never long.

Someone once told me things that I didn't want to tell myself.

Because that's what friends are for.

Someone once told me to do this.

Because that is my destiny.

And then Someone stopped telling me things altogether.

But I will always remember the Road Warrior. The man who helped save my life. I will always remember, and I will wait for his return. It's only a matter of time, and I can be patient.

The First Of Me - Hoobastank

The unofficial Dominism theme song.

I must make a choice
A tough decision
Listen to my voice
[Or] should I give in
To temptation, admiration
One leads to myself
The other someone else
Just an empty shell
Just an empty shell

It's harder than it seems
When you're told that
All your hopes and dreams
Are yours to hold if
You just give them
What's expected
Something they can sell
Put upon a shelf
But I am not for sale
I am not for sale

I hear a voice inside
It's growning to a scream
I'm not the next of them
I am the first of me
'cause I can't live the lie
I am just what you see
I'm not the next of them
I am the first of me

If I can't refuse
The prize they offer
I am sure to lose
And I will suffer
Sell my soul to make a profit
All I have to do
Is make believe it's true
That something I can't do
That something I can't do

So when the waiting's gone
This time to face the truth
You know your good enough
Deep down inside of you

You're finally woken up
If only just to prove
You were born to lead the way
And be the first of you

C: Too Deep (I'm Drowning)

Too Deep (I'm Drowning)

I've been avoiding this for far too long... I figure if I'm ever going to get anywhere with this commentary project I might as well just suck it up and push through.

Anyway, like I said in C: And as for Deserving I Will Speak No More,

Maybe my constant analyzation of every action I see condemns me to find the faults of people everywhere.

It's a curse. Read the post, you can see. I see everything. Such a powerful statement. Now, critics will obviously shout out the fact that it is impossible for me to see everything. Okay, okay. That's nice. Way to dodge the issue Rumsfeld.

No, it's not a curse... it's a gift. No, it's a curse. A gift! CURSE? It is what you allow it to be. Of late I've decided that I don't have time to be cursed. I've got better things to do. And in that, I've found the gift of it. Helping people. Talking to people. Talking with people. Changing lives. Because you know, if I'm a hero to one I'm a hero to all... (Heroics)

This post, Too Deep... it is too deep. It's so deep that I think I can confidently say that most people don't get it. Won't get it. But I assure you, every word written therein is written within a solidarity of truth.

Self-righteous is how you could describe me I guess. To actually deal with and acknowledge judgement? Most would rather deny that they do it, deny that it actually exists. And to have the audacity to say that I do it for them?

Yes, I agree. It is a bit self-righteous. Is that wrong if I'm right? Am I right? That's for you to decide.

Actually, this blog wasn't written, it was spoken. It was spoken by me to three friends, and it brought me to tears because it all finally clicked. Never before had I understood so well.

AND THAT MARKED THE TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE.

The two quotes at the bottom were written for IR, the movie script that a friend and I wrote together, as are many small quips scattered around this blog. I don't remember if I ever mentioned that before.

The second quote depresses me. Death is not a flaw, it is a gift. Death can only be a flaw if it tore us away from perfection.

Dear Myspace

I hate you. But I'm sure you know. You know everything, don't you? Everyone has you. Everyone loves you... I hate you.

You've taken my friends. Some of them love you more than they love me. I LOSE THEM.

You've taken my time. My time is a valuable commodity, and should not be wasted. I BLOG NOW.

You've become an aid and an asset to sex offenders, pedophiles, and stalkers. I LOCK MY DOORS.

You've shown me the truth - that people are shallow, that they love only attention. I HURT.

You've taught to me the true meaning of drama. I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE.

You've told me that without you, I am nothing. Without you, my friends won't talk to me. I HURT.

You've segregated, alienated, and delivered lies. I HATE YOU.

The Message

The idea.

It marks the beginning. It marks the end. The beginning of an end, the end of a beginning. A continuum of stops and gos, nows and thens. The is, was, and will be. The message that must be delivered.

It is the goal. The light at the end of the tunnel. The gold at the end of the rainbow. The paycheck at the end of the week. The trophy at the end of the game. The party at the end of the year. The feel of the earth at the mooring of the ship. The touch of familiar lips upon your return. The message that must be delivered.

It is the hammer that drives the nail. It is the house there made and the meetings held within. The people gathered in the hall, the leader standing there addressing them all. The message that must be delivered.

It is the sword, the boots, the helmet, the shield. The captains, formations, armies driven to defense solely by

an idea.

Heroics

If I'm a hero to one, I'm a hero to all.

Because it's not about saving the world. No, it's about saving people. One at a time. Slowly. Surely. Because eventually the world will be saved, but I don't care for the world. The world is a sick, twisted, evil place. And true, there are individuals in it who need help. Individuals who are just as sick and twisted as that world which spawned them, but the best way I can help is create others who can help.

If we're heroes to one, we're heroes to all.

A Dominym

For all the intellectuals
to you I've naught to say
Because you've chosen dominance
This game you chose to play

To all you simple soldiers
I thank you from my heart
For I of few can realize
How complex soldiers art

To writers, lovers, artists
I've got something to prove
Expressing all my gratitude
for cutting through the groove

And those of you who read my words
I only can begin
By reading this you've shown me how
This blog is full of win

I

It is the ninth letter of the alphabet.
And you know, there must be adaptation
If one hopes to earn salvation
In this, our God's creation.

For your survival,
I beg you, change your attitude.
Take the time to smile
Because it's about life.

I

There is no I in truth. There is one in a lie.
None in knowledge, but in ignorance it sleeps.

There are two in Dominism.

I don't know what that means.

Be careful with your I. Guard it. Defend it. Uphold it.

But NEVER

Never let your I become you. Because alone, I die.

Should We Care?

Do you care what people think of you? Do I? Should we?

These questions are asked of us day in and day out. Not by any political poll, not by our schools, our churches, our family or friends. By ourselves. We ask ourselves this question because it is such a crucial one to know the answer to. From this answer stems the basics upon which we build our interactions with the world around us.

Do we worry? Do we assert ourselves? Do we let life pass us by in a morbid state of apathy?

These are the decisions we have to make as people. People in a society of other people in a society of people. And everything you do, every action you take affects that chain of events, until at long last it comes around to you.

Now, there's no way of knowing when these actions either backfire or pay off, but one can do far more good by assuming that their actions will come back around than he who doesn't care.

So, do I care what people think of me?

Depends on what they think. But to be serious, yes. I do care. And I'm not ashamed about it. I find nothing wrong with the caring. Where the problems start is when people begin to let it affect them, change them, destroy them.

Part of it is curiosity. Part of me wants to know how I come off. What I look like. Imagine a world without mirrors. A world where you could never see your own face. That's what it'd be like if nobody cared what people thought of them. The opinions of the people around us are what act as a check against untamed agression. Okay, maybe not agression. But you get my point. A society built on expectation helps to keep order. (Let's not delve into the cons of an expectant society now... that's another story entirely).

The other part, the important part, is that I just might find that what others think of me - no matter how right or wrong it may seem at the time - to be far more helpful than anything I can muster within myself.

YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING and neither do I.

Always Two, Never More

I was talking with a friend recently, helping him with a few issues. I told him that his happiness should be his number one priority. Not because I like breeding an army of self-centered citizens, marching off to destroy the world. It's because I'm a firm believer in the idea tha tyou must secure your own airmask before assisting others. Do I think that this breeds arrogance and contempt in others? In some cases. But as much as it seems like that would fuel a non-beneficial race to achieving a legacy, I think it will actually discourage the notion.

How? you might ask yourself. How can a person focusing solely on themselves not become arrogant and self-centered?

There are two circles of existance. Always two, never more. One is the circle of individuality - the other of society, community, whatever you'd like to call it.

By reinforcing one, you reinforce the other. They do not share an inverse relationship. By increasing your knowledge of yourself, you increase your capacity - not your level - of understanding about others.

There is no shame in putting on your airmask first. BUT IF YOU DO IT WRONG, everyone dies.

Legacy

How do I want to be remembered after I'm gone?
How do I want to be remembered while I'm still here?
Do I want to be remembered at all?

There's something about the thought of a legacy that unnerves me. Something about it just doesn't sit well in my mind.

It's not the idea of it, no. I've no problem with living on in the memories of others, or leaving myself behind to be found by some unsuspecting traveller. But it's not my goal in life to achieve hat immortality. I just want to help people.

The idea of attaining a legacy is all too often abused. All too often the focus is placed on the legacy itself - achieving it, knowing it, feeling it. This is wrong. The legacy should never be about the legacy - its about what you can use that legacy for.