The Deepest Blues are Black

But we don't live in a black and white world. Sadness, depression, the blues. They're looked down upon as bad, because they lead to the darkness of the world. Fight for the night. It's just another end to the spectrum.

Sometimes I think we get too caught up in helping other people that we don't recognize when our friends are using this darkness theraputically. And no, I don't think that's a bad thing. But there comes a time when a man has had too much darkness. Too many issues, too many unspoken hurts. Hurts you'll never hear spoken of, hurts you'll never understand.

I think I've amassed too much darkness. Some of my friends think I just need to lighten up. Take it easy, relax. But I can't. And it's not because I don't want to. It's not because I'm trying to prove a point. It's because I can't. I'm paralyzed by fear. And of what I don't know, but I fear that I never will.

Well, you've gotta know what you fear to be able to fight it. I know that. I'm working on it -- I really am. Though I must admit I am frequently sidetracked by the idea that I'm okay. That I'm alright. Even now, I don't feel so bad. Hell, I don't feel bad at all.

But it's the realist in me, the small voice in the back of my head that tells me it's not over. Well no shit, Sherlock (amazing stories by the way, Arthur Conan Doyle knew what he was doing).

Of course it's not over. But honestly, I need to get on it. What do I fear?

I don't know. It's not a thing, or a feeling. It's... an idea. BUT WHAT?

Is it the idea that despite my best efforts it won't ever end?
Is it the idea that I'll never be good enough? (and by whose standards at that?)
Is it the fear of ending up alone?

Whatever it is, I'm running out of time.

Oh, and thanks to all of you who make me smile. Does a world of good.