C: Just Once, Let Me Be Somebody's Number One

Just Once, Let Me Be Somebody's Number One

I was always the number two guy. I hadn't really had a best friend since the 6th grade. I had more than one, at least. But I never really had anyone I could completely confide in. Nobody to talk to about my depression. My pain. People cared about me, yes, but I longed for that deeper intimacy. And I'm not just talking about getting a girlfriend (although, disillusioned as I was, that was the goal of this post).

Yes, I was always the number two guy. I'm ashamed to say that I made this revelation through myspace, but always was I conscious of the underlying problem - I simply hadn't quantified it yet.

Some of you will recognize the quote from The Last Samauri. See, I think too much. It's no secret. Ask anyone who knows me, they'll tell you the same. Half of my life has been spent learning when to think and when not to. This time I chose not to.

Keep Breathing. I don't know if this was mentioned in any of the earlier posts. I think it came from IR, but I'm not sure. Regardless, it came during the pre-production of IR and it's held true ever since, and even became the title of the short film we made. It was a movie about us trying to make IR, which was kind of a cop out, but it's something I'll keep close for the rest of my life.

Keep breathing is powerful. Many of you have seen me use it in sign offs or when you need a hand up. That's what it's for. That's what Dominism is for. No matter how bad it gets.