The Story of My Life

I got this idea because to be honest, I'm tired of writing personal essays for colleges and scholarships without actually being able to say what I want or write as much as I want. So buckle in: this is going to be a long one.

It began on the day I was born. February 16th, 1989. A day that will live in history and on calendars worldwide... Okay, maybe not. But that's how you have to live your life if you want to get anything done. I don't mean be arrogant and closed off. I mean believe in yourself. So I lived in Minnesota for three weeks, and then my family moved out here because my dad got a job. Anyway, I grew up without having to move much at all. Actually, the only time we moved besides the MN-WA move was when we moved into our current house, and I wasn't even old enough to be conscious of that.

So yeah, after I was born I did some wandering about, riding tricycles, playing in mud, eventually getting into the more dangerous stuff like trailblazing and fort building. LEGOs were a popular item, and let's not forget Beast Wars. Power Rangers too, and Pokemon.

One thing that I remember about my childhood was that I seemed to be the only kid who didn't have video games. Okay, my brother and I eventually got a GB Pocket which we shared between us, but that just got frustrating. Plus, my parents would take it away as punishment from time to time. But I know that it didn't stop at video games. Everywhere I looked I seemed to have less than everyone else. I was devoured by jealousy, until I decided that I would persevere despite what seemed like a disadvantage. I thought I was special.

That's when the depression hit. You've probably seen signs of it - it only disappeared recently. Actually I think I've been depression free for a whole year now. Feel free to clap.

Well we might as well start investigating my romantic history... but you know me, it won't be very detailed. Basically, I had two girls fighting over me (in preschool) and I had a girlfriend (in kindergarten). Yeah, I was in demand (as a child). From then on it's not so pretty. The girl I liked in 5th/6th grade never had any classes with me again. Ever. The girl I liked in 7th grade moved to Germany. The girl I liked in 8th/9th/10th grade didn't like me back (but more on this later). The first time I had a girlfriend after Kindergarten was 11th grade. We had a nice relationship but there was a lot of stress there... and we didn't really part on the best of terms because of a lack of communication, but we're on speaking terms now so I'm glad for that. And now I'm in a great relationship with a great girl who is currently in China... which is problematic. Which is also why I've been writing so much lately, because I have nothing better to do.

But now, to the depression. This depression came in three phases (and, unfortunately, though I am finished with the two major ones I occasionally suffer from the third, the lingering effects). The first phase is simply depression. The second is anger. The third is the aftermath. I shall explain.

1) From roughly the fourth grade until halfway through the 9th grade, I had some massive sadness issues, though many probably didn't even know. This depression was a result of many different things in my life. One of which was my home life, in the sense that it didn't seem fair. Kids around me everywhere got to do what they wanted, when they wanted, and they didn't have to work for it. I didn't understand how my efforts in school and at home didn't seem to have a payoff. Now I know that they shouldn't have had one. But then something magical happened. Someone actually went out of their way to talk to me. To befriend me. And then I started to see clearly.

2) With clear sight comes anger. I don't really know how to explain this phase, because it's a confusing time in the life of any teenager. I can sum it up as such - I hated everything, and I hated everyone. I suppose it's incorrect for to say that this change happened abruptly - in actuality it was being grandfathered in from about 8th grade where cool kids in shop classes thought it'd be funny to gang up on myself and a friend of mine to make our lives a living hell. They even had the audacity to make fun of me one day for wearing a christian shirt. The next year those same kids were smoking pot in the attiic of the shop class... and I hated them. So I guess the real change was from anger at specific individuals to anger at society, which bred people like them. And one can't be mad at society long before they're mad at everyone in it as well.

3) But the revelations I reached (and God knows how or what those were) led me to stage three. Stage three is a state of universal acceptance and forgiveness. It's taking that anger against society and using it to forgive everyone who's been victimized by it. It's disagreeing with others while still respecting them. And while I'm in the middle of it I really can't elaborate much, but one thing I do know is that I'm not immune to periodic sadness, where everything seems to be going wrong, but I guess that's only natural. WRONG. Because it's abrupt. I'm in and out in the period of an hour, and right after I come out I'm laughing and near tears with the pure elation of knowing that I've beat it once more. That's not natural. I don't think many people are conscious of themselves in that manner, and I really don't mean to self-glorify myself.

So anyway, in stages 2 and 3 is where you have the arrogance, but they're different. Stage 2 arrogance is legitimate "I think I'm better than you because you all suck" while stage 3 arrogance is "If I don' t act like I give a damn about myself, I'll end up back at stage 1." I hope that people can respect that. I really try hard not to judge people, and to be honest I think I do a pretty good job of it.

Don't wait for others to believe in you. Believe in yourself and they will follow.